End 2017 marked a defining phase in my life, while I thought that I was just risking money and investing time and resources by self-publishing “Whispers of Faith”, little did I understood that I was in truth opening myself to something way beyond me.
Whenever we invest, we expect a return on investment and I will lie if I say that I never expected. Oh, I expected and this expectation drove me mad at one point.
What maddened me most with the launching of “Whispers of Faith” was my sense of UNWORTHINESS. I know many of you have been there and we are endless walking that path right now. It HIT me HARD, after years of BACK-TRACKING and HEALING, I just could NOT UNDERSTAND where my UNWORTHINESS was coming from? How come I SEE,FEEL and HEAR so LITTLE of my SELF? Where did I go wrong?
That EVER PRESENT feeling of being “NOT-ENOUGH” and it CRAWLED under my SKIN for weeks. I stood there watching my UNWORTHINESS kicking, jumping, screaming, going wild – my inner theater has always been VIBRANTLY MOVING. Can you IMAGINE the MOVIES that I have CRAFTED for weeks?
For weeks, post the launching of “Whispers of Faith”, I have walked painfully through that phase. It hurt like none and there were days, when it felt unfair, I have wondered many times, “Why was I being punished this way? Why does it have to hurt?”
It seems weird in my case. Isn’t it? Megha has just launched her book along with her illustrations, then why was UNWORTHINESS LURKING around HER.
I do not know why but I understand now that UNWORTHINESS comes KNOCKING at the MOST APPROPRIATE time. Back then in December 2017, that was the MOST APPROPRIATE TIME. I was at the CUSP of MOVING DEEPER into my own SELF and what was HAMPERING in my way, was my UNWORTHINESS.
That feeling of utter UNWORTHINESS I have felt, its roots traced back in my childhood but most importantly, it took me to the BELIEFS and NARRATIVES that I have been holding on to when it comes to being WORTHY. My WORTHINESS as a WOMAN; My WORTHINESS as a DAUGHTER; My WORTHINESS as a LOVER; My WORTHINESS as a CREATOR and My WORTHINESS as a HUMAN BEING.
We live in a world where BEING WORTHY has been EXTERNALIZED. We live in a world where our WORTHINESS is CONDITIONAL. We have been BROUGHT UP and TAUGHT that UNLESS we DO THIS and ACHIEVE THAT, only then shall our WORTHINESS be VALIDATED externally. We have PARAMETERS and DEADLINES for WHEN to ACHIEVE WHATEVER IT IS. We have stamped EXPIRY DATES on DREAMS. We COMPARE and we ARE COMPARED to others. We FEEL LESS of OUR SELVES facing THOSE against WHOM WE are COMPARED. This DIRTY DANCE that has been ON for CENTURIES.
As I MARCH AHEAD my PATH, life is PURGING ME to take ME to this REALIZATION:
“My BEIGNESS in this MOMENT in time VIBRATES my WORTHINESS. NOTHING, NO ONE, NO ENTITY, NO TEACHER, NO FAMILY, NO MONEY, NO HOUSE, NO CAR, NO JOB, NO TITLE, NO SOCIAL STATUS, NO PARTNERSHIP, NO PARTNER, NO PLACE, NO BOOK, NO RELIGION can and will EVER DEFINE my WORTHINESS. I will ERR, I will LOSE, I will be LOST, I will TAKE, I will GIVE, I will BIRTH and I will ANNIHILATE but NONE of these will EVER DEFINE my WORTHINESS. Being ALIVE right HERE right NOW is ENOUGH.”
Truth, this is a tricky thing for most of us to come to a phase where we say this to our self.
When you birth something unto this world, it is considered as an investment for this world. When you birth something unto this world, that creation serves the purpose of shifting you first. I did not have the faintest hint that I was about to be rewired.
“Whispers of Faith” gifted me one of the biggest return on my investments so far; it bestowed me one of my biggest shift, my sense of WORTHINESS.
While I thought I was giving wings to my words, my words gifted me more life.
I still do not call myself an author but I say that I am alchemist for I know that which I whisper comes from an inner alchemizing process that moved me from one place to another. Right here right now, more than ever I believe in the power of words.
I write the way I do, I share the way I do for more than ever I believe in the power of words.
Whenever you are in this moment in time, know that at one point, the only choice will be that of opening to your self. This is my deepest wish for you as you swirl through these words, may you open up to your self. May you rise to this knowingness that you are worthy and there is no external that can define your worthiness.
“Whispers of Faith” has landed in Incredible India, some hours back, we will be whispering our magic in Bangalore.
We stay humble. We open up to release, to learn, to connect and to learn.
May Whispers Be May Faith
Love Love Love
Post © Megha Venketasamy, 2018. All rights reserved.